Creating the right builder relationship is so important for a successful and stressfree project, especially when you’re doing a custom new build.

So, should you choose your builder based on overall ‘vibe’?

Ellen, our HOME Method member and podcast guest, thought she chose her builder based on ‘vibe’.

But as we dig deeper in this podcast conversation, you’ll see how she really chose hre builder, the type of research she did, and how she created the right relationship with her builder.

Listen to the episode now.

Hello! This is Episode 337 and in it, I continue my conversation with HOME Method member, Ellen. Their new build project is underway in Ballarat, Victoria, and it’s for herself, her partner and their two teenage kids.

If you missed Part 1 of my conversation, be sure to head back to Episode 336 and catch up there. In that episode, Ellen shares how they found their home, made the decision to do a knockdown rebuild, and their design journey as well. 

In this project update, you’ll hear more about how she chose their builder, and moved their project into construction, making their selections along the way.

Ellen is also a psychologist by profession, so she shares more amazing insights about some psychological aspects of making a project like this happen.

The way she explains them is so helpful for understanding the feelings you might be having in your project if you’re also navigating a similar experience regarding timelines, delays and your project taking longer than you expected.

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE NOW.

For timeline context, Ellen was a member of an earlier iteration of the course that became HOME Method, joining back in 2018. 

She and her partner worked with me on the initial Design Concepts for their new build, and then they navigated their design and documentation journey over the next 5 or so years.

Ellen and I recorded this conversation in August, 2024. 

At the time of recording, their project was under construction, with the contract being signed with their builder at the end of 2023 and demolition of the existing home starting in February 2024.

I hope you’ve enjoyed her project story so far, and especially her professional insights into the psychology of doing a project like this, super interesting.

I had to laugh when I asked her ‘how did you choose a builder’ and she said ‘we went on vibe’ … and then she rattled off the super detailed and thorough due diligence she did to confirm the builder was the right choice!!

I do find this with HOME Method members: they vastly underestimate how much they have upskilled themselves in the world of building and renovating due to their investment of time and money in their self-education, and how knowledgeable they are.

It’s always so brilliant to hear HOME Method members talk through the steps they’re executing, the decisions they’re making, and the confident way they’re navigating their projects, informed and empowered.

I hope you enjoy Ellen’s project story, and especially her professional insights into the psychology of doing a project like this. It’s super interesting to hear her talk through her understanding of behaviour and strategies for managing a process like this with her professional knowledge and experience.

Let’s hear from Ellen now.

This is the transcript of my conversation with Ellen and their new build project journey.

Ellen
And of course then, there’s always the little things like we’re in construction at present, and whilst I have done everything that I have been taught to do and that I learned from you about making sure that we’ve made all the selections, and I’ve built an amazing team around me for this project, many of whom have been guests on your shows because I’m a big believer in recommendations. And the more I can learn about the person, whether I think that they’re going to be a fit for me in terms of how I like to work, then the better. So as I’ve progressed through that process, there have been, especially now, I thought, ‘All the decisions are made, we know exactly what we do’, and then I’m like, ‘Oh, you get to go and pick four light fittings, your choice, whatever you like.’ And then you go, ‘Oh, I should buy that one because that fits in the budget. But I really love that one.’ So there’s been little tweaks as we’ve gone along, and again, the other thing that’s been really interesting about this process for me has been that as this is a custom build, it’s not absolute high end stuff. But I like nice things. 

So lighting has been big, I’ve had a lighting designer, and we’ve really probably specced (specified) the lighting at the higher end, because that’s something that I really appreciate in a house, and I think makes a big difference to how a house feels. But I’m not a big one for being in the kitchen, so I don’t really care about the kitchen appliances. So my builder was kind of a bit confused. He’s like, “You’ve got this really expensive lighting plan and you’re going for this pretty average…” And I’m like, “Yeah, because I don’t want to be in the kitchen. I don’t care as long as the oven works.” But I know for other people that that is an absolute priority. So even those sorts of things about knowing enough about yourself and your values and what’s important to you, and then being able to make decisions accordingly. I won’t spend a lot of money on kitchen appliances because I don’t care, but I’m going to spend a lot of money on the lighting, for example. And I’ve seen other people build houses around me, and there’s things like, “Oh, those tiles are starting to look pretty ordinary after five years. I don’t want that.” So I’ll specced the tiles up a little bit higher, but maybe I don’t care so much about, I don’t know, something else that somebody else cares about. So knowing who you are and your values and what’s important to you has been a big one for me as well, in terms of budget and how to make those decisions about what to spend money on and what to not spend as much money on. It’s all spending money. It gets to a point where it’s like Monopoly money. Yeah, so that’s helped.

Amelia Lee
I mean, you’ve completely nailed it on the head in terms of knowing yourself. And I think, too, what’s coming through is that you have the ability to hold uncertainty and it not completely consume you to do that. I’ve been sharing a saying that I heard a while back that humans would rather be unhappy than uncertain, and I think that’s why a lot of people do run into problems with their projects, because creating a custom renovation or new build does contain a lot of uncertainty. And if you’re somebody that is going to choose unhappiness over uncertainty, then chances are you’re going to barrel through your project really quickly. You’re going to make decisions that aren’t in alignment with you, that you’re not too phased about, but because you need to make a decision where you can hold uncertainty and you can go in with the expectation that this is actually an incremental achievement of knowledge and information and education. And then you’ve been doing the research and the work through prepping yourself through HOME Method, but then knowing that your application of that knowledge will come at a point in the future as your project rolls forward, I think you’ve done a really good job of leaning into that, which is then paying dividends in how you’ve been able to show up in your project in this way.

Ellen
That’s such a beautiful way to put it, because, again, psychologically, it is that very much. We talk about holding things lightly, this idea of holding it lightly rather than holding onto it with a white knuckle grip. And that’s probably exactly what you just said about being able to hold uncertainty. There is a huge amount of uncertainty in a project like this, especially given that’s taken the time period that it has for us, and there’s been so much change in that intervening period, and that has been really critical, that ability. And I’m not going to say that I’ve always done it well, there’s many times of semi crisis, but I think it is uncertain across so many dimensions. And for me, it sounds kind of weird, but in a way, I think the time that it’s taken has actually been helpful, because it’s allowed me to sit in that space for a while at any point in the project, whether that was the initial design and concept stuff through to choosing builders, through to making decisions now about some of the construction elements is. 

I’ve had a lot of time to think about this project. I’ve had a lot of time to be in this project. I’ve made a lot of decisions over a long period. And so you get the opportunity to sit with those decisions and think about why did I do it that way? Why have we made that selection? Anchoring it back to those key design elements, and being able to, I suppose, trust your judgement. And look, I can say this, I’m 51 years old, I’ve got a lot of life experience now to chuck into a project like this. And I think one of the things that I’ve certainly been saying to myself a lot of late has been trust your instincts. Just trust your instincts with this. Because there isn’t a guidebook, there isn’t a rule book, there’s no perfection. You just need to trust that whatever you’re doing, given that you’ve learned, given that you’re doing it increment by increment, will come together. Does that mean there won’t be things that I’ll go, “Oh, might have done that differently if I’d had my time again?” Sure, and that’s part of it too. I think it’s acknowledging that and saying this is progress over perfection. 

And I had a funny experience. I had to go out to the showroom to look at our windows before we decided on what we were having, and we decided who we were going to get them from, but I just had to go out and actually have a look because they’re uPVC windows, and I really didn’t have a concept of what they looked and felt like in my head. They were plastic, I don’t really understand. So I had to go out and actually have a look at the show. And I was blown away. They’re amazing. But I had to make a decision about what handles to put, all these little things. So what handles to put on the windows, the Tilt and Turn Windows, and then we’ve got sliding doors all in the same space. The window, the handles that go with the sliding doors can’t be the same as to what selection I’d made for the remaining windows. They just don’t do them in that colour. And so I’m standing there going, “Oh, well, is it going to be weird if we have this?” We’ve gone for a brushed bronze, and then these ones would have to be a brushed chrome. And was that really weird? And Michelle, the wonderful woman at the showroom, we both looked at each other and we just went, “You know what? No one’s going to notice, are they?” And she’s like, “No, no one’s going to notice.” She said, “Maybe your architect might come in and go, ‘Oh, why have you chosen that?'” But nobody else. 

And it’s that ability to, I call it zooming out, that ability to get perspective and to be able to go, “In the whole great scheme of things, this is about the feel and the function of the house. It’s not about the door handles.” And so if the door handles are different, I’ve never lived in a house that was perfect before. I’ve lived in so many houses, and like I was talking about before, some of them have been very, very far from perfect, almost unlivable. 

So it is hard, because you are being put in a position to make all of these decisions, and you want to get those decisions right. But by the same token, you have to have a bit of perspective in that and say, “You know what, it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter if the door handles are slightly different colours. No one else is going to notice.” You’ve got to let that go. And that’s always something that I think everybody grapples with, some people more than others. Some people do find decision making hard, and they do find it difficult too. 

This is what we call conservation theory. It’s this conservation of loss. So as human beings, we would much prefer to not lose something than to gain something. We find it more stressful the prospect of losing something. So the prospect of making the wrong decision feels more stressful than the prospect of making the right decision. And that frames up the way we think about it. We think about what will I lose here if I make the wrong decision? What will that be like? Instead of just saying, “What am I going to gain from this decision?” So being able to remind myself of things like that, to be able to say, “You know what, what we’re gaining is this beautiful house that we’re going to have designed for our family that is going to be situated where we want to be, that is going to have sky and light, and it’s going to be thermally comfortable, and so if the door handles a different colour, really, does that matter?” But again, sometimes it’s a constant battle.

Amelia Lee
Yeah, that conservation of loss is an articulation that I’ve not heard before, and it’s fantastic. I mean, I think it’s the second step in HOME Method we talk you through about actually figuring out what you’re seeking to achieve from creating this new build or renovation so that you do have a place to come to to remember why you’re doing this, to make those decisions simpler as you’re navigating them, because there’s going to be 10s of 1000s of them. And so that thing of the door handles aren’t going to matter. I think, too, that idea of thinking about what you’re going to gain by making the right decision and keeping the project moving forward, and at the same time, for some people, that decision will really matter. So them knowing themselves about what are the decisions that they can be more relaxed about versus the decisions that they do want to prioritise, because not everything can be important all of the time. And so I love that you’ve had that awareness as you’ve been navigating this project. And yeah, you’re right, nobody’s going to notice probably, except an architect when they walk in.

Ellen
Oh, my mum, my mum might notice.

Amelia Lee
And if you ever have an Undercover Architect community member over to your house.

Ellen
Yeah, they’ll know to look.

Amelia Lee
And just quickly, before we move on, I wanted to chat to you about how you chose your builder, and made that decision. But just quickly about the design and the fact that the kids have grown older, has that impacted any changes?

Ellen
Not fundamentally. I do sometimes wonder, because the kids are now 16 and 13. Well, he’ll be 13 by the time we move into the house. And we live in a regional area, they could easily disappear off to university or something else. The eldest, he’s got two years left of high school, which is just barreled up on us very quickly. So sometimes I do think, ‘Oh my goodness, this can be a very big house for the two of us.’ I mean, it’s not a massive house, but it will be more than ample for two people. 

But then again, you have to have perspective. And I look at other families that I know and even my own situation, I still go back and stay at my parents’ place at times because they’re in Melbourne, if that’s convenient. And what I think we’ve missed out on a lot in the time that we’ve been in Ballarat, because we just haven’t had the accommodation for it, has been the ability to house guests. We have family and friends who are interstate and overseas, so when they come, they’ve not been able to stay with us. And that’s been disappointing because we’re missing out on that lovely opportunity. So whilst it might not be that we have the kids in those bedrooms all the time, they’ll always be there for them if and when they do come back, and also we’ll be able to accommodate friends. And again, it’s this compromise piece. I almost look at it and go, ‘Well, we’ve designed the house in a way that my husband and I might go overseas and we rent it out, or you could Airbnb some of it, or something rather like that.’ It’s not been a conscious oh, we’ll keep a separate part of the house to be able to do that. But it’s always been in my mind that, and I suppose this is part of just getting older too, you never know what’s around the corner in life. 

And so this idea that you can plan something out with a very clear picture of what the trajectory looks like, I’ve just discovered, is not realistic, certainly not for me. There’s been way too many twists and turns in my life to be able to say, “Well, we’re doing it this way, because this is what it’s going to look like.” So bearing that in mind has been helpful. And fundamentally, the design has been about something that is big enough to be comfortable for four of us and designed for us to be able to live the way we live, but not ridiculous. It’s not over the top. Yes, I have a dedicated office space, which I’m so looking forward to, because I’ve worked for myself largely for 22 years now and never had a proper dedicated office space. Certainly not one that’s designed for the way I work and what I do. So that, at times, feels like a bit of an indulgence when you look at the floor plan, but then it is this balance between but that’s actually important for me. 

The other thing, and I know you and I discussed this very, very early on, is that other than our two dogs, I’m the only girl in my household. I have a husband and two sons, and so this idea of having a space that is for me that I’m seriously going to deck out in pinks and greens and oranges, that is like my zone is actually really appealing. And it might be that nobody much else is in the rest of the house for periods, but I’m going to be in my space where I do my work, and that’s just for me. So there’s this balance between a little bit of indulgence and practicality and not really knowing what life’s going to look like. So as long as there’s enough flexibility in the design and the floor plan that we can adapt to whatever life throws at us, that’s had to shape some of those decisions. 

But it is interesting because I know when I first started out, I was thinking, ‘Oh, well, we’re going to need a playroom for the kids.’ Well, we don’t need a playroom for the kids when they’re 16 and 13. We barely need two living rooms because they spend all their time in their bedrooms. But we just had the garden design done, which I love, by a local designer, and she’s been able to actually factor in, again, this concept of design and how you like to live and work, rather than just what it looks like. And so we’ve been able to build that bit around having older children. So we’ve got a fire pit tucked away where teenagers can hang out. And we’ll have a deck where my husband and I, or we have friends over, and it is designed so that there’s little sections and little areas where people could have enough space to themselves to do their own thing, but it still will be connected together. So yeah, again, flexibility, hold it lightly is key. It certainly has been for us.

Amelia Lee
And I remember that when we were working through the design, there was very clear requests. I remember us talking about we don’t need a guest bedroom per se, because when we were growing up, we used to just all bunk in. If we had family come to stay, we just all bunked into one bedroom, and the other bedroom got given to the guest. And then it was like, “Well, what can we do with the second living space to make it multi-purpose?” And we were doing a lot of that in the design to keep it compact, to keep it constrained, and still give you those opportunities for that space for yourself, a decent work from home space, and that the kids had rooms that were useful to them, and all of those kinds of things. So it’s great to see that that approach is still carrying through. 

And I think you’re right, that whole approach of flexibility, not knowing what’s around the corner, is ultimately what’s going to pay dividends and then bringing the moments of joy, and in terms of how you fit spaces out and that kind of stuff definitely worthwhile. Can we talk through how you chose your builder, because if your builder was somebody that you met very early on, and then you’ve obviously continued that relationship, how did you go through that process of making that choice for them to be the one to actually construct the home?

Ellen
He’s very patient. So I met Mark very early on, and to be honest, again, I was reflecting on this, and I’m trying to remember exactly how I even went about. I think Talina had a few builders that she knew of that she recommended. So I had a list, and I approached several, and there might have been others as well. I can’t even remember now, it was too long ago. But essentially, this sounds really unscientific, but I went with a vibe. And it is really interesting how different builders operate, how they run their businesses. Whilst the construction might all be the same, there’s all of these other elements to it, how they administer, how they work with clients, their processes that underlie all of that that are really different. So I had some builders who I contacted, and I think additionally, I just sent emails to, like, half a dozen. And I had some who came back and basically said, “Well, here’s my list of questions. What do you want? What rooms are you having? What sides are the things, all of that?” And I kind of went, ‘Oh, that feels a bit impersonal.’ That didn’t really feel like it gelled with me. I’m like, ‘How do you know what my vision is for this project if that’s the way you approach it?’ I had others who just flat out and said, “No, there’s no way you can build that for that budget.” And I’m like, ‘Okay, well, rule them out.’ So there was a bit of a process of deselection, I suppose, that meant that people were the option, those options closed off. 

And Mark was great, because he said, “Right, I’ll meet you on site. Let’s have a conversation.” And we did, we stood in the backyard, and he listened, and he was interested, and he asked questions, and there was no pressure. I didn’t get the feeling that this was being viewed as a commercial opportunity for him. I know it is, he runs a business. But it felt more like somebody who you might want to work with to build a forever home. And so over time, I think we stood in that backyard and talked for maybe an hour. He was also just really easy to talk to, and that helped me feel comfortable that this would be somebody that I could say, “You know what Mark, I don’t know if that’s working for me”, or “I’ve got a question about this”, or “This might be really dumb, but I don’t understand X.” And so that was always really critical for me.  

And again, I think that was one of the things that I’ve learned through the HOME Method and through the Undercover Architect content has been this is a team that you’ve got to work with, and relationships are really important. So that kind of set the tone. Then over time, I’d decided he was the person that I wanted to work with. But of course, we’d had this literally years go by, and at different points as we got to, I suppose, moments of readiness to make the next point, take to the next stage, I would check in and say, “Just letting you know, this is where we’re at. Initial drawings and things, what are your thoughts?” And so it wasn’t the full incorporated design process, but I was always checking in. And he was always great, he would sit there for an hour or two hours with me, no expectation of a contract, necessarily, no costs associated. So, again, it just showed me that he was somebody who was going to be invested in this process and in this build. 

And again, I got to a point where I read right. I think he’s the builder that I really want to work with, but I have to do my due diligence. We were getting to the point of being able to price the build and get quotes, so I said, “I’ve got to do it the right way. I’ll put it out to three or four builders.” And that included a volume builder who said they did custom stuff. And it was interesting because there was another builder who was also really great, who I was very comfortable with, who I really liked his work. I hadn’t spent as much time with him, but he was clearly another really good potential choice. 

And we got to the point of putting it out to the quotes. And I got three quotes, two from the custom builders and one from a volume builder. And the volume builder, I decided very early on was not going to be for me. There was no oversight of how they did things. They said, “Oh no, we don’t need your drawings. We do our own drawings.” A whole lot of things that, for me, just did not feel. I kept being told to go and look at tiles and door knobs or something without being asked any questions. And I’d project managed this build up to this point for years. My husband hasn’t been nearly as actively involved in this as me, so I was the only person who really knew this. And to me, it was like, ‘Why aren’t you asking me?’ Anyway, so I quickly discounted that, because I just went, ‘That’s not the way I want to work.’ 

And so there’s two custom builders, and the price came in, and we’re talking a decent sized amount of money, costs a lot to build a new home. And the quotes were within, I think, $3,000 of each other. I was going to say, “Right, okay, we’ll make a decision based on that.” Well, even that then was a case of, ‘Well, I can’t choose one over the other on the basis of $3,000.’ So, ultimately, because I had this relationship with Mark, he’d invested so much time and been so patient, and there was a level of, I suppose, detail to the way he operates that I really appreciated, because I’m not always brilliant with detail. And so I really wanted somebody who I knew. So anyway, I suppose I talk about the vibe, it’s not vibe at all, I know that it’s a synthesis of a whole lot of layers of information.

Amelia Lee
I did all my due diligence, I asked all these questions, I saw how their business operated.

Ellen
Exactly. So I’m saying it feels like it was a vibe. It wasn’t really a vibe, but that was certainly part of it. Part of it was this relationship element to it. So that was the decision. And I think this really helps, sometimes you’ve got to take your cues from other people. And so he was at a point towards the end of last year where he said, “I’ve got to plan out my jobs for next year. Are you ready to go? If so, are we doing this?” And that was like, ‘Right, I’ve just got to pull the pin now, because if I don’t, I’m going to miss the opportunity to work with him.’ I knew at that point that there was still a lot of construction going on. There’s been a lot of construction in Ballarat for a number of years now, and I didn’t want to risk delaying this project or having to go with the builder that I perhaps wasn’t as comfortable with. So it was a case of, right, I’ve just got to pull the pin and sign this contract now. And so we did. And look, I’ve not regretted it for a moment. He’s been amazing to work with, and continues to be so. Yeah, it was the right decision, and I suppose did take a little while to get there, but ultimately, went with the first builder I met.

Amelia Lee
No, it’s fantastic. I mean, I can hear how much you actually knew to assess about the builder that you were, so even though he was somebody that you met early on and had an alignment and a connection from on a personal level, you still did all of the work to investigate. And I think the fact that the proposals between those two builders that you were leaning towards was only $3000  apart is a testament to the fact that you actually had done a bunch of research on asking the right builders to price the project. Because I feel that the fact that you looked at the volume builder and they didn’t come back to you with the questions that you thought needed to be asked about your project, and so you dismissed them. So I think your ability to educate yourself about how to interview the builder shows in the way that you were then able to assess that fit early on, and then come down to that point of timing and alignment, and knowing one, having spent a lot more time with one than the other.

Ellen
Yeah. And look, again, and I suppose I hadn’t really thought about it, but just as you’ve paraphrased that for me, realising that. There was a huge amount of learning in all of the stuff that I’ve covered in the HOME Method, in the conversations that you’ve had in that. I can’t remember, there was a podcast series that was the Manage Your Build. So I think that’s where it started was this Manage Your Build. So huge amount of learning in there in terms of understanding the finance, all of those sorts of things that may not have been at the forefront of my mind, but clearly they’re there somewhere, and it has been factored into all of those conversations. I think the other thing that probably really helped with that small difference between two builders was all the learning I did about how to go into that quote process. So I had all my selections made. I’d worked with an interior designer, I’d worked with a lighting designer, I’d worked with the draftsperson. I’d worked with two architects, there was already quite a team involved in getting to that point. 

And I had made all of my selections. I knew which windows I wanted, not necessarily the colours or the final, absolute decisions, but I knew that we wanted triple glazed uPVC windows. I’d made decisions about taps, tiles, toilets, wallpaper, again, not quite paint colours, but those were to come, but certainly all of the things that needed to go into a quote. And we had a really complete set of drawings that were very detailed. My drafty was amazing. So that just meant that our builders, then, when it came to the point of quoting, were able to give, I think, a pretty realistic quote because the detail was there. And I needed to learn all about that stuff to get us to that point to be able to do that then. And I think that was the difference between very early on, when I went out to builders and didn’t really know quite what I was doing, was that they’d asked questions and I’d go, “Oh, I don’t know.” Because I hadn’t done all of that work yet. So that’s been a huge part of the learning for me. 

And it’s been really interesting when I talk to people, because people say, “How’s the building going?” And some people will be going, “Oh my god, are you building this house yet? This has taken ages.” And for me, I knew that there was a huge amount of work going on behind the scenes. Because there is, there’s this huge amount of work that has to be done to get you ready to sign a contract and then start demolishing things and building new things. For me, that was literally years of work that was happening that led up to that point. And yet, for other people, until you actually see stuff starting on site, they don’t see any of that. So even knowing that through all the learning that I’ve done, through all the Undercover Architect resources, I can look at other people’s building projects now and say, “Oh my God, I appreciate the huge amount of work that they’ve done and what they’ve done to prepare to get to the point where you start to see something physically happen on site.”

Amelia Lee
Yeah, I think you’ve done an amazing job of your preparation. I also think you’ve done a really interesting job of your mindset, as well, to navigate it. Because I think I had somebody actually just ask me on a social media post this morning, ‘Does a project really take two to three years to navigate, at a minimum?’ And I said, “Well, from the first point of having a conversation with the designer and figuring out who you’re going to start building that team with, through to construction completion, it can take that long.” That’s an overestimation, like that surprises people. Your project has obviously taken longer because you hit hurdles and bumps along the way, and the way that life rolled out. How have you managed your mindset through all of that? You’ve touched a little bit on it as we’ve been chatting, but, I suppose, what have you kept anchoring back into to maintain motivation, to maintain momentum, to not get completely demoralised by it and feel like it was worth continuing to pursue?

Ellen
There were certainly moments where I did feel like that, I have to be honest. But I think for me, again, it’s that ability to zoom out and say, “In the whole great scheme of life, yes, this has taken six years or something. But we’re going to live in this for the rest of our lives.” So I could be living in this house for 40 years. The 6 years that I’m putting into getting it right now is not going to seem like a whole lot in that context. So being able to step back out and look at the broader context is what helps me in lots and lots of things that I’m doing. Not always in every moment because there were absolutely moments where I just thought, ‘Why am I even doing this? This is nuts. This is so hard, this is so slow, this is taking too much work.’ But again, having that vision of where we wanted to get to as a family and what I wanted that to look like, not just for now, but for when I’m in my 60s and when I’m in my 70s and when I’m in my 80s. 

I can still see myself living in that house for decades, and so that helps to put some of those things into perspective and to remind you that yeah, it’s a slog right now, but it will get to a point where it gets done. And that, to some extent, still feels miraculous. When I go and stand on site and I can see we’ve got frame and a roof and window frames and doors, it still does feel miraculous to me that that’s actually happened. And it’s a source of pride too, because I made it happen with an incredible team of people that I built around me, with all of their expertise and all of their assistance. Couldn’t have done any of that without them, it absolutely is a team pursuit. But I had to drive it all the way out. I had to drive myself. I did have to get through those days where I just spent, ‘Why am I even doing this?’ But the vision. 

We’ve been very fortunate in that we’ve had somewhere else to live over the ensuing periods that wasn’t the original house, but it’s not ideal. So there are days when you’re trying to make space in your wardrobe to jam something in, and you go,” Oh my God, we will get there. We will get to a point where I have a wardrobe that’s been designed for what I have and what I need. We will have enough room.” I’ve got a 16 year old who’s five foot 11 and physically doesn’t fit in his bedroom. And we all know this, and he gets frustrated, and I feel his frustration, but I keep saying, “Mate, we’re getting there. We’re getting there. You’ll have a bedroom that’s big enough, with a built-in desk, with enough wardrobe space, with a queen size bed that you could fit into.” He’s still literally sleeping in the bed that he’s had since he was a toddler. So those sorts of frustrations sometimes have also helped to just like, ‘Oh, this is hard, and this is why I have to keep going with this, because we need to move on from where we are into this new home.’

Amelia Lee
Yeah, I love it, and I’m so looking forward to getting you back on to chat about the construction process and how that’s gone for you. Because I know that it’s been really exciting to watch it come to fruition and to see that unfolding on site. So I know that you’ll have a lot to share from that point of view. I can’t wait because I know how much this home is going to change your life, and I think it’s such a testament to your determination and your motivation to keep pushing it through. Is there anything that, before we wrap up, that you wanted to share before we finish? 

Ellen
No, I’ll leave that. Actually, this conversation been really interesting to reflect at a different level and realise how much I have learned. You kind of take it for granted, because, as I said, learning’s an incremental thing. You just keep adding knowledge, and you forget that there was a point at which you didn’t know some of these things. So to be able to have the resource and to learn, and even just to have conversations with people to realise that. And the Undercover Architect, the Facebook group is really useful. Because sometimes I look and I’ll see people asking questions and going, ‘Oh, I remember when I thought that, or I didn’t know that, I had those questions.’ And you realise that you’ve moved on, or you’re still learning. Somebody would ask a question and go, “Oh my God, I didn’t even think about that. Goodness, I should be.” So having those resources and exposing yourself to it, to something where you can learn, where you’ve got access to information, where you’ve got access to expertise, I think, has been absolutely critical, and aside from anything else, helps you to feel a little less alone. Because it is such a massive undertaking, and to do it entirely on your own, I don’t think I could have done it. I think even from a resilience perspective, I don’t think I could have done it if I thought that this was just me in this, knowing that you are almost accountable to all the people that you’ve worked with along the way, because they’re invested in seeing this project come to life as well, has just helped enormously. 

So for anybody starting out, it’s a slow process. It is a learning process, but you learn as you go, and you see things happen slowly. And those points, I was talking to somebody this morning, and I said, “Oh my god, I could never have imagined I will get so excited about a retaining wall.” I have the best retaining wall in Ballarat, I love it. Little moments of joy like that help keep bolstering you along.

Amelia Lee
Oh, that’s awesome, Ellen. Thank you so much for your time and sharing all of your incredible wisdom and your knowledge. I know that this is going to be super helpful for so many, and the conversation that we’ve particularly had around where your insights of experience and expertise, from psychological point of view, I know have added a huge amount of value to this conversation. So thank you so much for being here. And as I said, can’t wait to get you back on and to talk about construction. Super grateful for your time.

Ellen
Looking forward to it. Thank you.

RESOURCES: 

For Ellen, a Knockdown Rebuild was the right choice. If you’re trying to decide this, read the blog and the 7 questions to answer here >>> https://undercoverarchitect.com/renovate-or-detonate/  

Member story for Ellen >>> https://undercoverarchitect.com/building-a-family-forever-home/ 

Access the support and guidance you need to be confident and empowered when renovating and building your family home (like Ellen did) inside my flagship online program, HOME METHOD >>> https://undercoverarchitect.com/courses/the-home-method/ 

Learn more about how to interview and select the right builder with the Choose Your Builder mini-course >>> https://undercoverarchitect.com/courses/choose-your-builder   

Access my free online workshop “Your Project Plan” >>> https://undercoverarchitect.com/projectplan